School Stories Portrayed by Ninjago
by Electricity Today
Summary: Collection of real events that happened in school, but with Ninjago characters. From peanut butter poisoning to eating a science experiment, everyone will begin to question the meaning of the modern education system, whether it's to be taken seriously, or to be ridiculed until graduation [Updates Fridays and Sundays] [T for Language]
1. Masterpost

**This story is composed of minor humorous ficlets reiterated off of real events. The following short stories are based off real events that all occurred at school. Who better than Ninjago characters to portray them?**

 **To save the reader time, here is a masterpost of the content within this story.  
Each chapter is one mini-story.**

* * *

 **1\. The Peanut Butter Story**

 **2\. The Osmosis Experiment Story**

 **3\. The Candidate Story**

 **4\. The Presentation Story**

 **5\. The Uniform Story**


	2. The Peanut Butter Story

**1\. Peanut Butter**

School lunch was, as expected, never great. At times, the meals were good. But they were never great. They were, after all, provided by taxpayer money and donations to the school. And no modern adults care enough to spend their well-earned cash on a bunch of immature high schoolers. So the school population was forced to undertake the poorly constructed meals; meals that lacked nutrition and were only comprised of GMOs.

So many students, such as Zane and Kai, preferred to take bagged lunches to school from home. Others, like Cole and Jay, did not have that liberty, and had to make do with the fake food.

The students sat around their lunch table, complaining about teachers, swearing about their parents, and gossiping about drama, as high-schoolers should.

Jay, who had been in line for some sort of fish, finally approached the group, aware that he was late, and slammed his lunch tray against the table. Then he took off his backpack and threw it-actually _threw it-_ across the lunchroom, where it smacked the bulletproof wall and slid down to the tiled floor.

He kicked the ground, whining, and huffed down into his seat at the table.

Kai was laughing his ass off.

Cole, who was trying to hold in snickers, was utterly surprised, " _Dude,_ what the hell?"

Zane punched Jay's arm in play, "Did somebody have a bad day?"

Jay had his face down on the table, much like a child who was in trouble, and he _groaned_ frustratedly.

"I think somebody did have a bad day," Cole said, still holding in the snickers that were threatening to break out.

" _I wanna go home,"_ Jay muttered. His words were barely audible, since his face was still pressed against the lunch table.

"Go to the nurse, tell 'er you don't feel good," offered Kai, who was desperately trying to sip his cartoned milk without laughing. He snorted, and had to set the milk down so he didn't risk it coming out of his nose.

" _I already tried that..."_

"Then just suffer like the rest of us," Zane stated in all seriousness, "And eat your fish. Eating something might make you feel better," he said, as he pulled out a package of peanut butter crackers from his lunchbox.

Jay finally lifted his head from the table, and eyed the cracker package peculiarly, "Those peanut butter crackers?"

"Yes," Zane replied, opening them, "Steroid, GMO, and sugar free."

Cole snorted, "Wusspuss."

Locking his eyes on the prize, Jay said nothing. In slow, calibrated movements, he simply took the peanut butter crackers from Zane's hand, unwrapped them, and began to shovel them all down in a few bites.

"Hey!" Zane exclaimed, but it was no use trying to get them back; Jay had already eaten every single cracker.

"Wait a minute, Jay," Cole began, snickers gone, and expression going cold, "aren't you…"

"Allergic? Yes."

" _What the hell?!"_

" _Jay!"_ Kai exclaimed. He stood up, taking Jay by the shoulders and patting his back, "Spit those out! Why the hell-"

"No way!" Jay exclaimed, doing his best to hold his food down, fighting off Kai with his nimble, weak arms, "I wanna go _home!_ I'm _done_ with school!"

Zane was already running off to the nurse while Kai and Cole stayed behind to attempt the Heimlich Maneuver, all the while the entire class was video recording the whole thing.

* * *

And as the ambulance drove off, Jay, red in the face and barely conscious, held up a gang sign and said, "It was fuckin' worth it…"


	3. The Osmosis Experiment Story

**2\. The Osmosis Experiment Story**

According to the internet, _osmosis_ is a process by which molecules of a solvent pass through a semipermeable membrane from a less concentrated solution into a more concentrated one, thus equalizing the concentrations on each side of the membrane, usually with water. And to educate his class on osmosis, Mr. Wu decided that a hands-on experiment would engage the students and inspire them to learn in an entertaining, enjoyable environment.

Little did Mr. Wu know that adults' definition of "fun" is different from high-schoolers' definition of "fun."

The experiment was simple enough. On the first day, students in groups of two set a gummy bear in a dish of water, and leave it there overnight. The next day, the students measure how much it has grown in size, due to the water entering and therefore causing it to swell.

On day two, the students add salt to the dish. The day after that, they measure how much the gummy bear has shrunk, due to the hypertonic solution it's in.

And on day three, the pairs of two students add water once more, and return the next day to measure it for the last time.

Kai and Zane were partners in the experiment. And when they returned on day four, Kai's jaw dropped to the floor.

The gummy bear was the size of his _hand_. It was _huge,_ all swollen and puffed with water. It had to be three or four times as large as it originally started. It was literally just a large puff of gooey slime, floating around on a bubble of water. It looked like a sac of alien eggs, or those slops of slime that Nickelodeon sells.

Zane was doing the measurements, and concluded that the gummy bear _had,_ in fact, grown three times its original size overnight. Kai poked at it with the tweezers, oddly fascinated.

The partners at the table next to them were a bit more verbal with their opinions on the experiment. Jay was continuously trying to touch it, and Cole slapped his hands back every time. The defense of the experiment was most likely initiated for two reasons: One, Jay had clumsy hands and could easily destroy the whole project, and Two, Cole was protecting Jay from the unknown substances within the experiment, since the Peanut Butter Incident occurred just last week.

But, of course, Jay understood neither of these reasons, and persisted in trying to poke the slime. Cole slapped his hand again.

" _Dude!"_ Jay exclaimed, rubbing his red knuckles, "That _hurts!_ Stop! I just wanna touch it!"  
"You're going to _ruin_ the experiment if you touch it, Zaptrap!" Cole snapped, slapping Jay's fingers back again, "I'm not done measuring it yet!"

Kai tilted his head to the side, looking to Zane, "Hey Z?"

"Yes?"

"If it's touched, will it really be ruined?"

"I doubt it. It's mostly gelatin, which is substantially durable. It is also composed of sugar, glucose, starch, flavoring, food coloring, citric acid-"

"- _acid?"_

" _Citric_ acid. Nothing harmful. It's very prominent in most fruits," Zane stated matter-of-factly, scribbling down the measurements in neat cursive handwriting.

"Fruits..." Kai repeated, thinking to himself.

Then he got an idea.

"So, Z."

"Yes?"

"This thing should be safe to eat, right?"

" _Safe_ isn't the word I'd use," he retorted without hesitation.

"But it's harmless, right?"

"Eating it would not put anyone in danger, that is granted, yes."

Kai took a moment to compose his thoughts. But he didn't bother to overthink it. He knew for certain that his idea was inevitable, and that he couldn't change his mind, even if he tried.

So he waited for Zane to fill out the measurements, and then he scooped it up in his hand, and ate it whole.

Holy hell.

What had he done?

 _What_ had he done?!

Kai had somehow forgotten that the gummy bear was left in a salt solute for over twenty-four hours, and was completely drained of its original raspberry taste. All he could taste was _salt._ Pure, unrefined, one hundred percent Coarse Kosher Kitchen Salt.

Not only that, but the gummy bear was _wet._ It was cold, squishy, gelatin that reeked of salt. It was the most god-awful thing he had ever put in his mouth.

And being the size of his hand, he was unable to swallow. It clogged up his mouth, and he couldn't do anything about it.

In a surging moment of rising panic, Kai was beginning to feel the rush of hysteria. He was freaking out, the gummy bear sinking in his throat.

So he did the only thing he could do, and went to vomit in the nearest trash bin.

Little did he know, it wasn't a trash bin. It was his lunch box.

Zane was staring at him with the most peculiar look, like he couldn't decide to pity Kai or be disgusted by him. He grimaced, still with the pitying disgust evident in his blue gaze. Kai grimaced, too, as he realized it was his lunch box that now contained the experiment.

With a dissatisfied sigh, Kai threw his lunch box into the trash can, the real one, at the front of the room, and went to slump down at his desk. He groaned. _God_ that was awful. It was also probably the scariest moment of the school year thus far. And all because the damn raspberry taste had dissolved in the hypertonic salt solution. At least he learned his lesson.

* * *

Kai choked on his drink, out of surprise, when he saw that he was given an "A" on the experiment. He didn't bother to ask Mr. Wu about it.


	4. The Candidate Story

**3\. The Candidate Story**

Class presidency was like going to the local gym:

It was good in theory, and offering lots of benefits. But it's just so pointless and takes too much effort to actually be useful towards most of the population.

One member of the small percentage of students who were influenced by the elections was Zane. Now, he was a popular fellow. In fact, he was acquainted by nearly everyone. People who weren't close with him at least knew his name. He really got around.

And the way Zane got to be there was no mystery. The kid was _smart._ He attended every advanced course available, whether it be college level or honours, and aced every single one. He was an afterschool tutor to kids who struggle (that's how he met Cole, Kai, and Jay. The poor lads weren't doing so well academically until he showed up.) He was also the captain of the track team, wide receiver for the American Football team, and head of the Youth in Government Organization. And as if Zane didn't have anything _more_ to offer, he was just a good guy in general. He was impossible to hate.

However, Zane does have one flaw. And it's a pretty big one.

Zane has trouble processing social activity.

Well, granted, he can converse and debate just fine; in fact, he enjoys interacting with people. But Zane tends to misunderstand things. Colloquialisms and slang terms never made sense to him, and they probably never will.

Just last week, Kai had congratulated Zane on his project display board for Chemistry Class. Kai told him that it was "the bee's knees." Zane had taken it to meaning that there was a bee on his display board, and frantically searched for it, shoe in hand, ready to strike and kill it. Kai had only stared, confused.

He tried to explain it, but Zane didn't understand. Bees had jointed legs, sure, but they didn't have _knees._ And what did bees have to do with chemistry?

Normally, having this flaw should have been insignificant and worked out fine for Zane. But as stated, he was interested in class presidency. He was more than interested, he was running. And considering his great attributes, he has a good chance. But that one flaw of his proved to be problematic, much to everyone's distaste.

On the day of the election, the candidates were supposed to take the stage in the school auditorium and make a speech promoting their campaigns. Cole, Kai, and Jay were in the front row of the audience, eagerly awaiting the moment Zane comes onstage. Kai and Jay were practically bouncing in their seats, shaking with excitement. Cole desperately tried to shut them up, but the silences never lasted long. Zane's speech was much too anticipated.

The moment he finally took the stage, the audience hushed. Zane, being courteous and the gentleman he naturally was, smiled, waved, thanked them for attending, and took his place behind the podium. Unlike the other candidates, he didn't have a script with him. He just stood behind the podium, smiling, and ready to speak.

"Before I make my speech," he said, addressing the audience, "I need for everyone to stand up please."

" _Yeah, let's go Z!"_ Kai shouted as he sprung up from his seat. The audience, all in huge favour of Zane, followed Kai's example and began to cheer and clap. Jay jumped on Cole's shoulders and held his hands up high to make a heart shape, " _We love you, Ice Baby!"_

Zane didn't even blush, despite the entire massive high school auditorium clapping and chanting his name. That kind of persistence took gusto, or something or other. But Zane was always good when it came to concealing emotions; he held on just fine. He, out of modesty, simply smiled and waited for the students to quiet.

When they finally did quiet, he spoke again.

"Good, thank you. Now I need for you all to take a step forward."

And so they took a step forward.

"Now take a step to the right."

They took a step to the right.

"Now a step backwards."

They did.

"A step to the left."

They did.

"Now sit down once more."

They did.

"Good. Because my father told me if I moved my audience, I'd be sure to win. Have a nice night, everyone. Place your ballots responsibly."

* * *

It came to literally no one's surprise that Zane was elected president before even finishing the other candidates' speeches.


	5. The Presentation Story

**4\. The Presentation Story**

The assignment should have been simple. It was so utterly uncomplicated that even the most ignorant of all students should have understood and completed it without having any trouble.

But of course Jay had to complicate things.

The assignment was to research a living organism and notate its characteristics. Simple things like diet, habitat, niche, homeostasis, reactions to stimuli, etcetera. And with that information, students were to assemble it into a slideshow presentation and demonstrate it to the class. There was no rubric. Grades were only calculated by participation and the inclusion of vocabulary words. Most students picked animals to research, some chose plants, and a few dorky brainiacs selected microorganisms and protists.

But Jay, being the problematic whiny child that he is, was still having trouble deciding what to pick. He sat in his seat, frowning ahead of him, thinking and pondering.

"Dude," Kai said, slapping Jay on the shoulder, "just pick something already. There are like a bajillion animals out there, it shouldn't be hard."

Jay pouted, but didn't acknowledge Kai.

"What about a blue jay?" Cole offered, trying to prompt a little divine intervention into Jay's shallow head, "That's your nickname, after all."

"It's also a nickname for a joint," Zane pointed out without glancing up from his assignment.

There was a beat.

" _I_ wanna do a bluejay now!" Kai exclaimed.

"But you were doing a chameleon!"

"Chameleons aren't named after pot! I wanna do a bluejay!"

"All drug references aside," Zane eased, sliding into the seat next to Jay, "You really ought to select your organism. The assignment is due tomorrow, and you have yet to even begin!"

"Yeah, I know," Jay grumbled, face still against the desk, "but school's _hard."_

"It probably wouldn't be as hard if you just worked harder, and started assignments sooner."

Jay groaned again, face pressing against the desktop even more. He was actually deeply upset. Schoolwork stressed him out more than it did most other people, and it had pretty significant impacts on his grades. Some claim that Jay is lazy, because he can often be found listening to cringy rap music or goofing off instead of doing his homework. But Jay wasn't lazy. In fact, he tries very hard, as long as he isn't grumpy, but he still manages to receive bad grades. For that reason, Zane is secretly convinced Jay has a learning disability of some type, while Cole and Kai play it safe by avoiding discussion of Jay's academics.

But the project was due tomorrow. And if Jay didn't present, he was likely to lose more points on his grade, and he would probably fail the class. That was guaranteed to stress him out even more in the long run. The kid really needed help.

"Can someone give me peanut butter?"

There was a silence, an eerily serious silence.

"Jay," Cole eased, sitting in the seat right behind him, "just pick any living thing. It'll be easy, c'mon."

"No."

"C'mon. We all know you can do it. Any living thing."

…

" _Any_ living thing?"

"Any living thing."

…

"Dear lord, Jay, why are you smiling like that?"

"You'll see."

* * *

The next day, Jay was the first to show up to class.

That alone deserved recognition.

But what was even more surprising was that Jay was first to volunteer to present his project. He gathered his materials, projected the slideshow on the front board, and stood in front of the class, smiling from ear to ear.

"Hello, class!" he greeted. Cole, Kai, and Zane sat still, eyes wide open, preparing for the absolute worst on behalf of their friend. Cole looked like he was about ready to vomit.

"I think the insanity's finally kicking in…" Kai whispered.

"Poor Jay…"

Jay clapped his hands loudly, "Hello my friends in the back! No talking while I'm talking please!"

And with that out of the way, he opened the first slide, which showed the mugshot of an elderly Asian man, with face tattoos and a long mustache.

"This is Lil Wu. He's a rapper. And he's a Homo sapien."

The three of them all took in a long breath, and let out an even longer, more strenuous exhale.

"Okay so, he is made of cells just like everyone," he moved on to the next slide, which displayed clipart of a standard animal cell, "so this is probably what his cell looks like. Except his cells are probably jacked up, because, let's be real, he's too godly to be human."

"Oh dear God," whispered Cole, who was actually on the verge of tears, placing his hands over his face, and shrinking to the back of his seat.

Jay clicked on the next slide, which featured a bright blue screen, clipart of a double helix, and a photo of Lil Wu being arrested.

"So this is Wu's DNA. Lil Wu has a special genetic code written on his DNA that makes him such a great rapper slash flexer slash winner slash everything godly ever. The only reason I'm still alive today is because Lil Wu is still alive. So why is he so great, you may say?" he slapped the board with his hand, " _because of DNA_! Oh that rhymed. Somebody copyright that for me, thank you."

Kai cringed to the back of his seat.

Jay clicked to the next slide, labelled 'Growth and Development.'  
"So, Lil Wu grows just like his paycheck. You know. Um. Every single day he makes millions of dollars because he's amazing. I want to be just like him when I grow up."

Zane began to rub his temples.

Jay forwarded the presentation. The current slide displayed the infamous rapper eating from a bowl of popcorn, and was titled 'what the hay goes into wu's battery?'

"That's Lil Wu eating some popcorn. Uh. It's like his battery. His battery's his stomach. You know. Whatever. His energy comes from his food, which makes him so godly with so much energy on stage. Speaking of 'on stage…'"

He clicked to the next slide.

"Wu's reaction to stimulus. A couple months ago, he was performing on stage and this dude threw a shoe at him. So he reacted by staring at the dude and saying a bunch of not-nice words to him and it was awesome and I loved it. So there that is."

He clicked to the next slide.

"So this slide has a bunch of science-ey words on it. Uh. It pretty much just says that when he's hot, he turns on the AC and when he's cold, he gets a Gucci blanket or something. And when he's hungry, he goes to McDonald's and gets McNuggets or something because they're good, or whatever. But he probably just buys the entire restaurant chain or something."

Jay moved on to the next slide, a bright pink one. And in bright green text, it was titled 'Lil wu's reproduccction method?'

By now, Cole was literally crying beneath his hands, "God, Jay, don't do this to yourself. Don't do this _please."_

"So his reproduction method: we're not gonna talk about that because I'm pretty sure your mamas already told you about this. You know how it works," he added a smile, "It's a fun time."

He clicked to the next slide, which just featured another picture of Lil Wu's mugshot.

"So that's all I got for you today. But I'm starting a foundation called Free the Wu. So you should donate so we can get him less months in prison. If you want to donate, please do," and he ended with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.

* * *

Zane stood up and walked Cole to the nurse, because he was crying so much that he couldn't see straight. Kai sat there in his seat, dumbfounded, perplexed, but amazed.

"Take a bow, good sir," he declared.

And Jay did. And that moment became more influential than any science class could ever be.


	6. The Uniform Story

**Little warning! This chapter is mostly cringy guy humor. So ladies, take caution. Don't read it if you can't take it.**

* * *

 **5\. The Uniform Story**

Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps, or "JROTC," as it is informally known, was a controversy in high schools. For most, it was viewed as a great opportunity to study the life of the armed forces at a young age, and can positively encourage students to serve their nation in a healthy environment. For others, it was a redundant program with tacky hats filled with tightwad students with their powdered noses held high, using the class as an advantage to make themselves superior to others.

But no matter what side of the debate is considered, both sides can still agree on one thing: the uniforms. The JROTC uniforms were both the hottest uniforms on site and the most distracting ones too. Additionally, the students looked powerful and beautiful when they stood side to side in the uniforms, but individually, they just looked silly. Like, really, _really,_ silly.

Cole had joined JROTC in his first year of high school, both out of pure interest and resortment. See, he and his father were still only discussing the concept of college after high school. They didn't readily have the money available to send him to college, and they refused to take up student loans out of fear of not paying on time. So for now, their semi-set-plan was to send Cole to the armed forces for a few years, or at least the training, gain the scholarship provided for such deed, and then attend college without having to spend a penny.

It was an okay plan with not many consequences. And it was realistic and time-achievable. So Cole had no doubt that the JROTC program was good for him.

Plus, as a bonus, he loved it.

Something about exercising in strenuous amounts was relaxing. He could release all of his anger (built up by Kai bothering him in class, Zane misunderstanding phrases, and Jay trying to snatch his peanut butter candy whenever he had his back turned) in fun games of dodgeball or long runs around the track.

Additionally, after getting in a good sweat, he was actually congratulated for his hard work. The colonel told him "good job" after every practice. The girls in the class watched him and flirted with him often, and the guys envied him but encouraged him all the same. Cole just rose in popularity altogether, and it made him feel pretty great.

But there was just one issue: the uniform.

Sure, it looked pretty good. Well, it looked okay. The hat was really weird, and Cole often misplaced it on the middle of his head. The shoes looked and felt _fantastic,_ but it was so annoyingly difficult to keep them out of the mud, or keep them from getting scuffed. (Cole ended up polishing them three times a day, because stupid Jay always danced on top of his feet.) Whenever he tucked in his shirt, the ends crinkled up beneath his pants line and bothered him all day long. Speaking of pants, _the damn clerk woman gave him the wrong size pants._

Luckily it wasn't too noticeable from the outside. But it was to Cole. He was literally unable to wear the correct size sports cup because the pants were tight and rode up on him, causing him hours of agony and near-death paralyzing fear of someone noticing.

So… that's the tea.

He looked good, but he didn't feel good. He _especially_ didn't feel good when it became hot or cold, since the uniform offers no real protection for such things.

However, today Cole came prepared.

He sat in his seat in the science classroom; it was the class that became famous for Kai snorting a salted gummy bear and Jay giving a report on an old Asian rapper. He sat where he normally does, behind Jay and next to Kai, Zane being in a spot diagonal from him. And at his feet lay a duffel bag he brought to school in preparation.

And then it came.

He was suddenly cold. Even under his uniform, he was _cold._ The fucking taxpayers didn't care shit about the kids in school and never provided enough money to pay heating bills. So the kids were stuck frozen to their seats, shivering with chattering teeth.

So Cole reached into his duffel back and removed his uniform coat. The coat was navy blue, tight-fitted, and didn't offer Cole much protection from the cold.

So he reached in for his JROTC sweatshirt, the only thing he was allowed to wear over his uniform. It was a struggle-actually a _struggle-_ to squeeze inside the shirt, under his already constricting layers of uniform.

When Cole had finished sorting out his ruckus with the uniform, Kai gave him a strange look.

"Dude, you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah. Why?"

"That was just a really aggressive way to put on a sweatshirt," Kai said, almost grimacing, "That's all."

"Oh."

Sometime later, while finishing up an assignment, Cole began to sweat. The three layers of long sleeve uniform were beginning to constrict his blood flow, and heat him so terribly that he began to sweat. He was suddenly _hot._ Really hot. And he was stuck under all these layers of overpriced deathtraps.

So, raising his heavy arms over his head, he started to peel back the layers of his sweatshirt, which he tossed back into the duffel bag. Then, feeling a little lighter but still constricted, he unbuttoned his coat and tossed it into the bag. And for good measure, because he was still quite warm, he unbuttoned his shirt.

It wasn't like he was undressing or anything. He was wearing a tank top under his shirt. And he was only opening up, he wasn't going to take it off.

But Kai didn't get the memo.

"Dude," he groaned, covering his eyes with his hands.

"What?"

"Did you _have_ to make eye contact with me when you were undressing?"

It suddenly became a whole fuck of a lot hotter.

"I didn't make eye contact with you! I was minding my own business! What, were you _looking_ or something?"

After the words left his mouth, Cole cringed back in his seat. He cringed so far, in fact, that his spine hit the back of the chair so roughly that he _felt it_ bruise. He grimaced out of raw shame.

Meanwhile, Kai had his hands over his mouth, eyes shut tightly, "I was _not_ looking. You were just _asking_ for it-"

"-Kai, stop, please-"

"- _You_ started it, you pervert!"

" _I'm_ not the pervert here! My uniform was just so _tight_ that-"

"Oh _god. Stop. Please."_

* * *

And they did.

For a little bit.

"You started it."

"Shut the hell up."


End file.
